Hover & Sound – Chapter 2 (VJ)

VJ was out of his mind with indecision.

The last summer before Eddie’s last year of school was almost over and VJ hadn’t said anything to him.

By anything, he didn’t mean it literally. He meant he hadn’t told Eddie how he felt. He hadn’t told Eddie that at some point in the past decade or so he’d fallen in love with him, fallen so madly in love and the only reason he hadn’t crossed the line was because they were family — or supposed to be at least — and what if they broke up?

VJ paced the halls of Falkhus. It didn’t help that Eddie was gone all the time, that his breath smelled like alcohol and his eyes were glassy and red.

It didn’t help that VJ felt responsible for Eddie’s turmoil. If he didn’t have feelings for Eddie, he could have acted like his brother and made him feel more at home.

VJ knew this summer was different. Eddie would graduate after the next school year and there wouldn’t be another summer together, unless Eddie wanted to be there. Even the hope of finding his mor and sister were dwindling. Ten summers and they hadn’t found another clue worth following. Ten years and they hadn’t found them.

Ten years, ten summers, ten chances, and Eddie was falling further and further away. His bags were packed, this time with everything. When he left, when he dragged his bags out the door to go to school for his last year, VJ knew he wouldn’t come back.

He would be home for Jul, unless he booked a concert, and again for spring (unless he booked a concert), and then he would be done with school and he’d have a job and a home of his own.

He’d be gone and VJ would never be able to tell him how he felt, unless he chased him halfway across the world or got a placement in one of the orchestras he guest-conducted for.

And it was VJ’s fault. VJ’s fault for not welcoming him, VJ’s fault for not making him feel at home, and VJ’s fault for never explaining why. VJ for not making Falkhus a home all these years because he was afraid.

VJ groaned. He wasn’t one for physical violence but he wanted to spend a few minutes with a punching bag right then.

As VJ paced, the ghosts of Giani and Erik watched him. When he made his fifteenth lap, this time with a package that had finally arrived, Far Edvard was there instead. He leaned against a wall, his head tilted. He looked the same still — glossy gelled curls, a thin line of concern stretched across his lips.

“Hej,” VJ said. He stopped at a display shelf that held the fossils he’d been collecting. Years ago, he’d hated them. Niels and Eddie had been given matching wooden airplanes by Far Viggo and Far Edvard. VJ had been given old fossils from the attic.

Now, years later, he’d grown the collection. He’d made it his own. Today, he had a new shell from the southern United States.

“How is your collection growing?” Far Edvard asked. He peered over VJ’s shoulder as he opened the box.

“Good. I ordered this online.” VJ pulled the shell out of the bubble wrap. This one was creams and pinks, a round top and bottom, with holes eaten away into the shell so it looked like it had pillars. It kind of looked like a macaron or a carousel, if you wanted to see it.

VJ held it up for Far Edvard to see.

“That looks like it would be fun to draw.”

“You should,” VJ encouraged. He turned and looked at him. He didn’t want to talk to Far Edvard about Eddie. He never had, and he never wanted to cross that line. He opted for his favorite topic: Far Edvard’s boyfriend. “How is Meldrick?”

Sometime ago, Far Viggo and Far Edvard had started to see other people. VJ got the feeling they also saw each other, because what were the consequences in Death? But he didn’t ask, and Far Edvard didn’t tell.

“He says hello,” Edvard replied. A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth.

“Tell him hello back.”

Edvard vanished briefly and then he was back. It was creepy how he could move between life and death. More creepy than the base concept of seeing dead people.

When he got back, he was quiet, refocused on VJ’s mood.

“What’s new in Death?” VJ asked, semi-casually. “Any exciting new residents?”

“Nothing I can think of,” he replied.

Far Edvard always had something to talk about. Now VJ turned his attention more acutely to him. “You’re lying. I need a distraction, Far. Please?”

“What am I distracting you from?”

“Life.”

Edvard studied the fossils and tossed his head from side to side. He hmm’d a few times, and then again. “What happened in Death…” he put his hand on his chin. “Death…”

VJ laughed. “Come on, you know something good has to have happened. Did the pope die?”

“What are you fishing for, aside from distraction?”

“Honesty? I’m only fishing for fish I see.”

“Did you know there are white asparagus?” Far Edvard asked.

VJ laughed again. He wished so many times Eddie could know his far — how fun he was, how soft and gentle and amazing he was. Then again, Eddie knew his far (Far Viggo), and maybe VJ was missing out too.

“Can you make rainbow asparagus in Death?” VJ asked.

Far Edvard reached behind his back and pulled out a bundle of rainbow asparagus. He handed it to VJ. “Don’t tell your mother.”

VJ loved his magic tricks. Far Edvard didn’t do a ton of them, but when he did they were special. Somehow, he could cross the barrier between alive and dead. He could hug VJ too, even when Eddie couldn’t hug far Viggo.

Maybe he didn’t have any secrets.

VJ looked at the asparagus. He couldn’t visit his far in Death, he couldn’t talk to his far at all, but he needed to talk to someone he trusted.

“I realized this is one of the last times Eddie will live here,” he said. “He leaves for school soon, and he has work, and I don’t know if he’ll come back.”

“Yes. I think Eddie has been upset about that.”

“Me too,” he replied.

“He doesn’t want to go somewhere he can’t see your far, but there are no orchestras in Ringkobing.”

“I know,” VJ groaned. “And he should go. He’s amazing and he’s never felt at home here.” Because of me.

“It will be you soon enough, too. Then Viggo and I will likely have less reason to visit…”

“I’m not good enough?” VJ asked. He put the asparagus down and pulled a paper airplane from the cabinet drawer and stepped down the hall. “I’m staying…”

“What about your life, your work, your love?”

“My love has other plans,” VJ said carefully. He tossed the plane, a perfect arc down the hall.

“Oh?” Far Edvard asked.

VJ shrugged.

“Perhaps you can bring your love here.”

VJ caught the plane and returned it. Carefully, he said, “My love hates it here.”

Edvard smiled again, a little bit. “I thought we were speaking about a future love in general terms.”

“I don’t know.” VJ groaned. “I’m dealing with being in love, and I know it won’t work out.” VJ caught the plane again, the little game picking up in speed.

“Lots of things run the risk of hurting Eddie,” Far Edvard said with a sigh.

VJ hesitated. “What do you mean?”

Edvard closed his eyes, but he didn’t disappear. He wanted to tell VJ something — if he didn’t he would be gone.

“What is it,” VJ pressed. “Tell me.” His heart thundered in his chest like a car revving from idle.

“We’ve found some information, a lead, about Riley and Alma.”

VJ dropped his arm to his side, the plane in his grasp. “You did? We have to tell Eddie!”

“VJ. I don’t want to hurt him. It isn’t as though they’ve made any effort to be in his life.”

“He deserves to know, and you wouldn’t have told me if you didn’t believe that.”

Edvard sighed.

“I love Eddie,” VJ said, and he meant it as friends or family, but it came out like a confession of his true feelings. “I’ll help him. But he has to know.”

Far Edvard sighed. “We’re working on the lead. Give us time.”

I don’t have time. “Ja. Okay,” VJ said. He picked up the plane and threw it, while he planned how to tell Eddie everything.